


We Belong

by pcrrycox



Category: Scrubs (TV)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, another Getting Together fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-15
Updated: 2018-05-15
Packaged: 2019-05-07 04:40:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14663502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pcrrycox/pseuds/pcrrycox
Summary: Set during the events of 4x06, My Cake. Perry actually gives JD a hug (and doesn't punch him in the face).





	We Belong

**Author's Note:**

> Found this in the docs on my laptop from later 2016! I'm not sure why I never posted it unless I was planning to write more, but I think it wrapped up quite nicely. With a few minor tweaks, it felt ready to post! Let me know your thoughts in the comments or come yell about JDox with me over on tumblr (@pcrrycox)!

              “Do you, uh… do you have a second?” Perry asked with an uncharacteristic hesitance.

              JD, who had been staring out the window in the lounge for the better part of ten minutes, turned his head to look up at him.  “For what?” he asked.  It was evident in his voice how much he’d been lost in his thoughts lately, how tired he was.  There wasn’t much else he was supposed to be doing now, given that all his shifts had been covered and his patients were under Perry’s care.

              “I’m giving you a hug,” Perry announced. 

              JD blinked up at him.  God, if Perry was faking him out  _now_ , of all times, he wasn’t sure he could handle it.  Part of him wanted to get up and leave the room, but where would he go?  Dan had taken over the apartment and would undoubtedly yank himself out of the bathtub just to pester JD.  Everywhere else in the hospital he went he was the recipient of sad, pitiful expressions.  Not that he didn’t appreciate that people cared enough to acknowledge that he’d just lost his father, but if they would just treat him normally…

              JD had apparently been silent for too long, so Perry spoke up again.  “So now, how would you like this whole hug thing to go down?” he asked and for all JD could figure, he actually sounded sincere.  But if there was one thing he knew, it was that Perry Cox was the king of sarcasm.

              “Look, Dr. Cox, I’m really not in the mood to get jerked around,” JD sighed as he ran a hand down his face.  “You can go.”

              Perry’s expression threw JD off.  Was that shock he’d seen?  And perhaps maybe more than that – had it been  _hurt_?  “No, I – I’m really trying,” Perry said, the tone of his voice so genuine and so insistent that JD dared to hope that Perry was actually being kind to him.

              It was for that reason – and because JD desperately wanted to feel okay again – that he stood up from his chair and took a hesitant, very small step toward Perry.  “Please,” was all he whispered, hoping Perry would understand just how much this would mean to him and just how much it would destroy him if it was all a cruel joke.  He couldn’t look away from Perry, his gaze boring into him in a wordless plea.

              Perry’s response was murmured so softly, JD wasn’t even sure he’d heard it.  But as Perry closed the distance between them and began moving his arms around JD, he realized he  _had_.  “Come here,” he’d said in such a gentle voice…  And before JD knew it, Perry’s strong arms were tightening around him and pulling him against his chest.  Reflexively, JD curled his own arms around Perry’s middle, hugging him maybe a little too tightly.

              But Perry did not complain.  In fact, he said nothing and instead held JD close, closer than the younger man would ever have dared to hope for.  JD let his forehead fall onto Perry’s shoulder and before he could help it, his tears began to slip free.  He hadn’t let anyone see him cry up to this point, and he hadn’t planned on it either.  Something about Perry’s arms around him, though, made him feel vulnerable.  Despite that, he also felt safe.  It was a strange dichotomy, but he chalked it up to his and Perry’s relationship, which was strange in and of itself.

              At first, JD hoped Perry wouldn’t notice he was crying, but all too quickly, JD’s tears became sobs that shook his entire body.  He held onto Perry as though his life depended on it, and for his part, Perry started rubbing JD’s back in slow, soft circles.  He remained silent, for which JD was grateful.  He didn’t need any more attention being called to the fact that he was swiftly breaking down in Perry’s arms.  Typically, he reserved crying for the most private times in his life: late at night, into his pillow when Turk and Carla were asleep, or in the shower, when the running water was loud enough to drown him out.  He’d been unable to do either since the death of his father as Dan had taken up residence in the bathroom and had no concept of personal space.  Turk and Carla were fine, but they were checking up on him far too often for his liking, leaving him to feel as though no place he went was truly private.  So, for the past week, he’d been holding back every bit of emotion, something that was foreign to him.    Why he had chosen to break down in front of Perry, and on his shoulder, no less, was beyond him.  Maybe it was because he was so touched by the gesture in the first place, but JD felt it had a little more to do with the fact that Perry, for all his flaws and rough edges, was a constant source of protection for JD.  He was there to catch JD when he fell – any time he made a mistake with a patient or was about to or just needed help, Perry was there, without fail, even if it was oftentimes in an unconventional way.  It meant more to JD, both as a person and as a doctor, than he even let on, which was saying something.

              Several minutes had passed and JD hadn’t quite stopped crying, though his sobs had eased and he forced himself away from Perry.  He didn’t look up at his face; he wasn’t sure he would be able to take whatever expression he wore.  Instead, his red, swollen eyes took in the tear stains on Perry’s crisp, white lab coat.

              “I’ll get it dry-cleaned, I’m sorry –” JD started even as more tears rolled down his cheeks.  He wiped uselessly at them.

              “Newbie, look at me,” Perry said firmly, his hands gripping JD’s arms.  He didn’t speak until JD raised his gaze, looking sheepishly up at him.  “You’re going to be just fine, you hear me?”

              JD nodded and sniffled rather pathetically.  “I know,” he mumbled.  “I really am sorry.”

              “Don’t be,” Perry said, his tone softening.  “Look, I’m not going to yell at you, all right?  You can relax.”

              “Well then I’m sorry about earlier,” JD mumbled, feeling rather like a child at that moment.  “I didn’t mean to seem ungrateful about you taking care of my patients…”

              “Jesus, JD,” Perry sighed, letting his hands fall from JD’s arms.  “Quit apologizing, would you?   _I’m_ the one who should be saying he’s sorry.”

              JD’s eyes had widened slightly at the sound of his real name and he was so shocked that he’d stopped crying.  “For – for what?” he asked, confused.

              “I’m afraid that’ll be quite a long list,” Perry said ruefully, an unfamiliar expression on his face.  JD couldn’t quite place what it was.  “Suppose I should start with the way I treat you.  Look, it’s no secret that I don’t open up real easy, but I just hope you know that I… Well, truth be told there, Newbie… I’m proud of you.”

              JD let out an astonished breath and slowly sank back down into his chair.  He’d never expected to hear an apology from Perry, but that paled in comparison to hearing that Perry was  _proud_ of him.  The approval that rang true in Perry’s voice was almost too much for him to process and he found himself staring straight ahead, right through Perry as he tried to make sense of it all.

              Perry pulled up a chair across the table from JD and sat down, watching as he tried to sift through his emotions.  “You’re not daydreaming,” he finally murmured, almost able to see the gears turning in JD’s head.  He knew him so well now; it had been over three years since JD had started at Sacred Heart and it hadn’t taken long for Perry to pick up on the younger man’s thought patterns.  It hadn’t taken long for  _anyone_ , really, given that JD was prone to saying his thoughts out loud, especially at inopportune times.  But it had quickly become a part of Perry’s daily life at the hospital, a routine that stayed true no matter what sort of patients or emergencies he had to deal with.  JD was a constant presence that he’d long since become accustomed to and seeing him so subdued was quite jarring.

              Slowly, JD turned his head to look at Perry.  “You sure?” he asked with a forced smile.  “Because I think you just gave me a hug and that  _can’t_ be real.”

              Perry briefly considered arguing with JD, trying to prove to him that this wasn’t a dream, but decided against it.  If JD wanted to believe that he’d thought this all up, then there were a few other things he’d have liked to do…  “Maybe it’s not,” he said with a shrug.  He didn’t want to confuse JD when he was going through such a difficult time, but he might not ever get a chance like this again.  “Look, Newbie, if you want to talk, you know where to find me.”

              With that, he stood and walked back around the table toward JD and, bending at the waist, he leaned in and pressed a soft, swift kiss to JD’s lips.  It was so quick that it might not have happened at all, and by the time JD was able to process it, Perry had already gone.  He stared at the now-empty chair that Perry had been sitting in and lifted a hand to his lips.  He wasn’t sure what he expected to feel there, but now he was absolutely certain that the last ten minutes had been a very vivid daydream. 

              Perry was already down the hall and rounding the corner by the nurses’ station when JD snapped out of his reverie.  Elliot was there, waiting eagerly to hear the results of Perry’s efforts.

              “How’d it go?” she asked.

              Perry didn’t break his stride, nor did he even look at Elliot.  “Great,” was his only response, said with no inflection.  He knew she’d want to know more and was probably already tearing down the hall toward the lounge to interrogate JD.  Despite the two of them being estranged, her need to know every last little detail of everyone’s lives would surely override that. 

              JD looked up at Elliot when she blew into the doctors’ lounge, breathless.  “Did he hug you?” she gasped, staring at JD with the frantic intensity he’d come to expect from her.

              “Uh, yeah,” he said slowly.  “He did.  He… That all happened  _for real_?”

              “You tell me,” Elliot said, her brows furrowing.

              “I…”  JD trailed off, his eyes suddenly going wide as he realized what he’d just dreamt wasn’t a dream at all.  “Elliot, I gotta go.  I’ll talk to you later.”

              “JD, where are you going?” Elliot asked in surprise as JD jumped up out of his chair.  “What’s going on?”

              “I have to go talk to Dr. Cox!” JD called over his shoulder, already sprinting out into the hall.

              Elliot stuck her head out the doorway.  “His shift is over, you know!” she half-shouted, still sounding rather confused.

              JD skidded to a stop before hurrying in the opposite direction.  He didn’t bother with the elevator and instead took the stairs two at a time – something he never did since he was so accident-prone – but desperate times called for desperate measures.  He ran out into the parking lot just as Perry was reaching his car, completely oblivious to the fact that JD was sprinting toward him.  His breath rushed out of him as JD slammed into his chest, his eyes going wide.

              “Jesus,” Perry gasped, his arms instinctively going around him, “what the hell…?”  There was only one person who would hug him without warning and hold on so tightly.  “ _Newbie_?”

              “I wasn’t dreaming,” JD said breathlessly, looking up at Perry with wide eyes.  “You hugged me… You  _kissed_ me!”

              Perry raised his eyebrows as he looked back at JD.  So the kid  _had_ been paying attention.  He hadn’t exactly been planning on that, had thought he’d actually get away with the whole kinder, gentler Cox routine.  Leave it to Newbie to call him out on it.

              “I suppose I did,” Perry agreed, not entirely sure what to make of JD’s reaction. 

              “Do it again,” JD said readily, but Perry didn’t miss the edge of desperation in his voice.  “If you really want this, kiss me again.”

              Perry was surprised by JD’s daring, but he couldn’t lie to himself and, at that very moment, was even less likely to lie to JD.  He stared back at JD for a long moment before lifting his hand and resting it on the back of JD’s neck.  Slowly, each move a calculated one, he leaned in and kissed JD again, and this time, it lasted much longer.  Perry didn’t care that they were in the parking lot, leaning against his car.  In that moment, it was easy to forget  _everything_ except JD, whose lips were moving against his own with a practiced ease.

              When JD finally broke the kiss, both of them were breathing hard and JD was clutching the front of Perry’s jacket.  “How long?” he murmured, swallowing hard under the intensity of Perry’s gaze.

              “Too long,” Perry replied, brushing his fingers through JD’s hair.  “Never thought you’d be interested.”

              “I was always interested in you,” JD said softly, his eyes shining.  “Can’t believe you didn’t know.”

              Perry smiled.  “Is it that hard to believe that I’m clueless when it comes to this sort of thing?” he asked, arching an eyebrow.  “The last thing I wanted to do was confuse you or scare you off, especially right now… But you looked like you needed it.”

              JD nodded.  “I did,” he agreed.  “I really want to kiss you again.”

              “I won’t stop you,” Perry chuckled, looping his arms around JD’s waist.

              Once again, JD leaned in until their lips met and the same spark he’d felt just prior hadn’t gone away.  Never in a million years had he thought that Perry would be interested in him, let alone act on his attraction.  Despite being rather exhausted, JD would have been happy to stand in the hospital parking lot for hours this way.  Fortunately, when Perry pulled back, he seemed to have other ideas.

              “I was planning on heading home,” he told JD, his arms still very much wrapped around him.  “You’re welcome to join me.”

              “That’d be really nice,” JD admitted.  “I can’t be at my apartment right now.  Dan is driving me nuts.”

              Perry frowned.  “What’s he doing?”

              “Uh, well, nothing, for the most part,” JD sighed.  “He’s been in the tub pretty much since we got home from the funeral.  Oh, and the only thing he’s had to drink is beer.  It’s pretty disgusting, actually.”

              “Can’t say I blame you for not wanting to be there, then,” Perry said, letting his arms fall from around JD.  “Go on, get in.”

              JD walked around to the passenger side of Perry’s car and slid inside, feeling rather honored to be in the Porsche at all despite Perry kissing him in plain view of, well, everyone.  He could hardly believe the change in their dynamic; it had shifted so suddenly and yet it didn’t feel strange or uncomfortable like he might have expected.  Perry started the car, backed out of his parking spot, and shifted the car into drive.  Mere moments later, he was offering his hand to JD, who took it eagerly, lacing their fingers together.

              “I’ve had dreams about this,” JD said once they were out on the street, looking down at their hands.  “Kinda pathetic, huh?”

              Perry squeezed JD’s hand.  “You’re not the only one who daydreams, you know,” he said casually.  “I told you, it’s been a long time that I’ve felt this way.  Never once thought it’d actually happen, mind you, but don’t go worrying that I haven’t thought about you just as much as you’ve thought about me.”

              JD was pleasantly surprised by Perry’s admission; he hadn’t expected him to be so open and honest.  It made him wonder just how much of Perry’s demeanor at the hospital was simply an act.  “What do you think about?” he asked, his curiosity getting the better of him.

              Perry glanced over at JD, the corners of his mouth turning up.  “Everything,” he said simply.

              “Everything?” JD pressed, growing more and more intrigued by the minute.

              “Everything,” Perry confirmed with a small laugh.  “I’ve thought about how we’d work as a couple, how to quell the drama that will inevitably happen as a  _result_  of us  _being_ a couple, which side of the bed you’d sleep on, where I’d take you on an actual, honest-to-god date, where we’d live, what we both might want in the long run…”  Perry trailed off, realizing how much he’d just admitted to.  None of it was a lie – he’d thought about all those things and more, but it was rather astonishing just how in depth his dreams about what life together would be like for them, especially since neither of them had admitted to having feelings for the other until today.

              “Wow,” JD breathed after a brief silence.  “That really is everything…  Perry, just exactly how long is a long time?”

              “Believe me, there was quite the period of denial when I first realized I had feelings for you,” Perry explained, “but grand total, I’d have to say nearly two years.”

              “That… wow,” JD said again.  “That  _is_ a long time.  Why didn’t you say anything sooner?”

              “Plenty of reasons,” Perry said honestly.  “It’s not exactly appropriate for an attending to run around with a resident – it’s an H.R. nightmare, especially when said attending just named said resident as  _Chief_ Resident.  And this one may shock you, but I’m not exactly the type of guy who puts himself out there emotionally.”  Perry smiled and winked at JD, who laughed.

              “Yeah, I can see that,” he agreed, squeezing Perry’s hand.  “I mean, I never said anything because I thought you might strangle me or something, but I… even the slightest chance that you might not have felt the same way probably would have crushed me, so I guess I was just protecting myself, too.”

              “Well, neither of us have to worry about that now, do we?” Perry pointed out just as he pulled into the parking lot at his apartment building.  “We got pretty lucky.”

              “Yeah,” JD said softly.  “We did.”

              Once Perry parked the car, they both got out and started toward the front door of the building.  Without a second thought, Perry looped his arm around JD’s waist.  He glanced down and caught JD grinning to himself and felt rather pleased that he was able to make JD so happy, happier than he’d appeared in a while. 

              “So,” Perry started as they walked into his apartment, “what do you feel like doing?  Your call.”  He shrugged off his jacket and hung it on the coatrack near the door as he toed off his shoes.

              “Oh, uh, I don’t really care,” JD replied, kicking off his own shoes and leaving them next to Perry’s.  “I’m just happy to be here and not at home, you know?”

              Perry shot him a sympathetic smile and gestured toward the couch.  “There’s a game on,” he offered.  “We could watch that.  I’ll even answer all your questions.”

              JD smiled back and followed Perry over to the couch.  “Sounds good to me,” he agreed.  “So, what sport is it?”

              Perry blinked at him for a moment before realizing he was serious.  “Oh, it’s football.  Super Bowl’s in February.”

              “Neat,” JD said as he plopped down onto the couch.  “Who’s playing?”

              Perry had to bite back a laugh as he realized that JD would be asking  _plenty_ of questions throughout the course of the game.  He sat down next to JD and draped an arm over the back of the couch.  “Chicago’s playing Green Bay,” he said, flipping on the TV, which was already turned to ESPN.

              “Who do you want to win?” JD asked, taking in the sea of green and gold that was Lambeau Field. 

              Perry shrugged.  “Packers, I suppose.  Never been a big Chicago fan myself.  I was always partial to the Giants.”

              “They’re from New York, right?”

              “That’s right,” Perry confirmed, rather surprised JD knew something about sports.  “Kickoff’s not for another few minutes.  You want anything to eat, drink?”

              “I’m not really hungry,” JD said, “but I’ll drink whatever you’ve got.”

              Perry went into the kitchen and returned shortly with a beer in each hand.  “This okay?” he asked, offering one to JD.  “I know you’re more of a mixed drink kind of guy, but it’s either this or scotch.”

              JD took the beer gratefully, figuring that any sort of alcohol would help to block out some of his more painful thoughts.  “Beer’s great,” he assured Perry as he sat back down.  “Thanks.”

              Perry took a swig of his own beer before turning his attention back to the game, where they were just about to kick off.  “Don’t mention it, Newbie.”

              Periodically, Perry looked over at JD, who had gotten up several times throughout just the first quarter for another beer and then another and another.  Perry had barely finished off his first by the time the second quarter began, but he could tell JD was feeling pretty good.  He didn’t comment as he knew better than anyone what it was like to try to numb the pain with alcohol, but it wouldn’t be long before JD had cleaned him out of beer.

              Sure enough, when JD came back from the kitchen just as halftime began, he was empty-handed.  “You’re all out,” he said in a subdued voice, looking rather glum.

              “Not sure that’s such a bad thing,” Perry sighed, wrapping an arm around JD’s shoulders.  “How you feelin’, kid?”

              “Bad,” JD mumbled, closing his eyes and letting his head fall back against the couch.  “I thought drinking was supposed to help.”

              “I’m proof positive that it  _doesn’t_ ,” Perry said, frowning.  “Come on, Newbie, the only way you’re going to get through this is to talk about it and that’s what I’m here for.  So, go on.  Talk.”

              “I don’t know what to say,” JD said quietly, lifting his head only to look down at his lap.

              “Why don’t you tell me about him?” Perry suggested.  “What was he like growing up?”

              “He – he was good, for the most part,” JD started tentatively.  “It was hard sometimes.  He was an office supplies salesman, so we never had much, but he was a good dad when he was home.  When he and my mom got divorced, he became more of a… friend than a dad.  Or at least I think that’s what he wanted to be.  I mostly just wanted him to be my dad.”

              “I met him,” Perry said when it became clear that JD wasn’t going to continue without a little encouragement.  “After about two seconds, I could tell how proud he was of you.  He’d have been crazy  _not_ to be proud of you, JD.”

              JD remained silent for a few long moments and when he finally did speak, there were tears in his eyes.  “There’s something I don’t tell many people,” he began.  “Just the people I’m closest to and my family.  But when I was a kid, I was obsessed with medicine, even back then.  I started researching, reading everything I could find, when I heard of something that made perfect sense to me.  I – I told my family at my sixteenth birthday dinner that I was transgender.  The transition process, the – the hormones and the surgeries, they all fascinated me and helped me feel less alone, knowing that other people out there had felt the same way I did.  Dan was on board right away, started calling me his ‘little brother,’ and even if he wasn’t the greatest brother, I’ll always be thankful for that.

              “Mom took it a little harder.  It was a while before she came around to the idea and started calling me John and using the right pronouns.  More than once I caught her on the phone talking to different relatives and still calling me ‘she.’  But with Dad, it was different.  That first night, he didn’t say much.  Mom asked a ton of questions, but he was pretty quiet.  I forget how long it was, maybe a week, but he took me out after school one day and told me that he never imagined something like this would happen, but he was proud to be a father to two sons.  From there on out, he was really good about catching himself with pronouns and my name and everything.  He went with me to the doctor when I told him I wanted to get on hormones and helped me legally change my name.  After everything was finalized, we didn’t talk much about it anymore, and sometimes it felt a little awkward when he recalled something from earlier in my childhood, like he was afraid talking about it would bother me.  But his support meant more to me than I think he even knew.  And I never got to tell him that.”

              Perry had remained completely silent as JD spoke.  JD’s revelation came as a huge shock to him, but had no impact on the way he felt about him.  It did clear up why, very early on in JD’s internship, he’d shouted at Perry in front of half the hospital staff to stop calling him girls’ names and he felt a pang of guilt for doing so, even if he hadn’t had the foggiest idea.  “JD, I’m sure he knew,” he said gently, reaching out and taking JD’s hand.  “He had to have known.”

              “I hope so,” JD said, quickly clearing his throat.  “I – I’m sorry I told you like this.”

              Perry shook his head.  “You have nothing to apologize for.  I’m just glad you trust me enough to share that part of yourself.”

              “You would have found out eventually, Perry.  Besides, it’s kind of nice to be able to tell you.  It’s not like I’m ashamed of it or anything, but I don’t want being trans to be the thing everyone associates me with.  I want people to know me for me.”

              “That makes sense,” Perry said with a nod.  “It’s pretty hard not to like you, you know.  And believe me, I tried.”

              JD managed a small smile and leaned into Perry’s side.  “Careful or I’ll start to think you’re just a big softie,” he warned even as Perry’s other arm pulled JD’s legs into his lap.

              “I’ll let you in on a little secret,” Perry said in a stage whisper.  “I just might be.  But if you tell anyone, I’m afraid I’ll have to resort to drastic measures.”

              JD’s smile widened and pressed a kiss to Perry’s cheek.  “Your secret is safe with me,” he promised.  “You know what’s weird?”

              “Uh, you?”

              “Besides that,” JD said dismissively.  “It’s weird that this  _isn’t_ weird, don’t you think?”

              Perry shrugged, his fingers drumming absentmindedly on JD’s leg.  “I don’t know, I think that it’s  _good_ that it’s not weird.  Feels right, you know?”

              “Yeah, definitely,” JD said readily.  “I just thought maybe it would be harder or more awkward if or when we ever got together.  I guess it’s not  _weird,_ it’s just more… unexpected.  I’m not making very much sense, am I?  I’m a little drunk.”

              “You’re making perfect sense,” Perry told him.  “Or at least as much sense as you  _can_  make.  I’m glad you don’t feel weird and that you’re  _here_.  How’s that?”

              “I like the sound of that,” JD said through a yawn.  “Can I stay with you tonight?  I don’t want to go home.”

              “Course you can, Newbie,” Perry murmured.  “Go ahead and relax.”

 

              The third quarter of the game had barely begun and JD was walking a fine line between snoring and just breathing loudly.  Despite it being right in his ear, Perry couldn’t keep the smile off his face to save his life.  It was so surreal, JD being there, in his apartment, in his  _arms_ for Christ’s sake, and sleeping soundly on his shoulder.  He could already feel himself cataloguing the memory – their first night together.  God, he really was a sap, but he hadn’t been exaggerating when he’d said it had been almost two years since he realized the magnetism between JD and himself was something much deeper and more intense than he’d thought. 

              That day had begun like any other and had continued as such until JD had made a brilliant, one-in-a-million call that saved a patient’s life.  Perry had been too quick to diagnose cellulitis, but JD, having a very unfortunate social life, had caught an educational television show the night before that walked the viewer through the ins and outs of necrotizing fasciitis.  The chances that he would come across a patient the very next day with the rare condition was astronomical, but somehow, he’d done it.  And he’d been so damn smug and cocky about it, too, that when two patients came in with identical conditions, Perry had been determined to unseat JD from his pretentious throne.

              His plan had ended rather poorly, though, and being the jackass he was, Perry had rubbed his victory in JD’s face.  However, his victory had been a hollow one, considering JD’s patient had died.  By the end of the night and having been watching JD pore over medical encyclopedias and case studies on acute thrombotic thrombocytopenic purpura, Perry couldn’t take it anymore.  He’d confessed to JD that he’d been watching over his shoulder every single step of the way, a revelation that he’d covered up by saying he was just doing his job. 

              That night, Perry had tossed and turned until somewhere around two in the morning, when the realization hit him like a freight train.  He cared for JD, cared for him deeply.  It was then that he swore to himself that he’d never let JD find that out, let alone anyone else.  It was a secret that he had intended on taking to his grave – unless there was a chance that JD might feel the same way.  Perry had never put much stock in that idea, not wanting to get his hopes up, but JD had been so vulnerable when Perry offered to hug him.  Lord knew all he wanted was for the kid to be happy.  If he was the person who could  _make_ him that way, then he was damned sure going to try.

              It didn’t take a genius to see that what JD needed at the moment was a safe place and a shoulder to cry on.  Perry was more than willing to be that for him.  Hell, he was willing to be  _anything_ JD needed him to be.  Next on his agenda had to be getting Dan’s ass into gear, because it was glaringly obvious that JD needed his brother for support as well, and Dan wallowing in self pity in a bath tub wasn’t doing anyone any good.  Already, Perry could feel himself becoming protective of JD.  He knew the kid could take care of himself, that much was obvious, but it didn’t stop him from wanting to keep him safe.  JD didn’t  _need_ him to do that, but as far as Perry was concerned, it came with the territory of being in a relationship.  Perry also knew that there would be a storm brewing at the hospital – rumors flying left and right about them kissing in the parking lot, and he was determined to bear the weight of the gossip rather than let JD worry over it.  He could make a list of the people that would be happy for them on one hand.  Everyone else was a wildcard and he knew that until the initial shock died down, they’d be fielding ridiculous questions about their personal lives – or at least  _JD_ would.  No one would dare ask Perry anything about his personal life unless they had a death wish.

              Throughout the rest of the game, Perry kept his comments to himself, though it was quite a struggle during some of the more intense parts of the game.  To his pleasure, Green Bay pulled out a win over Chicago and as the post-game analysis started, he shut the TV off.  Part of him wondered if he should wake JD, but he was still snoring softly and completely out.  After carefully adjusting his grip, he heaved himself to his feet, holding JD against his chest.  Not even for a moment did the younger man’s snores stop.  Perry couldn’t help but smile again and shake his head.  At least he knew now that JD was a heavy sleeper.  He carried him down the hall off the living room and into his bedroom, laying him down as gently as possible on the bed.  He wasn’t sure if JD would want to sleep in so many clothes, but the last thing he wanted to do was overstep any boundaries.  That was something they could talk about later, when they were both wide awake and sober. 

              Perry walked back out into the living room after pulling the sheet over JD’s sleeping body to clean up and turn off the lights.  It was a quick job, and when he headed back into his room, he quietly stripped down to his boxers and then pulled on a pair of sweatpants.  He rarely slept with anything on other than his boxers, but he didn’t want JD to feel as though he expected something of him.  He was probably giving things too much thought, but he’d rather err on the side of caution than make JD uncomfortable.

              Once dressed in what he felt was an appropriate amount of clothing, Perry climbed into bed beside JD.  He leaned over and pressed a featherlight kiss to his temple before settling in for the night.  He felt like a lovesick idiot, drifting off with a ridiculous smile on his face, but it was a nice change of pace.  He shot one last glance over at JD’s sleeping form before closing his eyes for good and falling into a restful sleep.

 

              JD woke very early the next morning before the sun had risen.  His phone was buzzing in his pocket and he was nearly sweating.  It took a moment for him to realize where he was and why he was still fully dressed, but once he oriented himself, a smile crept onto his face as he took in the man sleeping beside him.  Perry was lying on his back, his chest rising and falling rhythmically, and JD was struck by how much younger he looked in sleep.  None of the characteristic lines were between his brows, nor was his typical snarl present.  No, he looked… peaceful. 

              JD would have been happy to lay there next to Perry and watch him for as long as he could, but as it was, he was in danger of melting he was so warm.  As carefully as possible, he slid out of the bed and silently peeled off the items of clothing he felt comfortable removing, leaving him in his boxers and the t-shirt he’d been wearing under his scrubs.  He fished in the pocket of his pants for his phone, quickly turning the brightness down so he didn’t wake Perry.  He had several texts from Turk, Carla, and Elliot, and even one from Dan, though it was mostly unintelligible.  Turk was asking where he was and each text was more frantic than the last.  He replied right away, promising Turk he was safe, but not yet wanting to share what had happened.  Carla had texted him words of encouragement that were probably meant to comfort him, but they mostly just frustrated him.  Elliot’s text, on the other hand, made it clear that she had seen the two of them in the parking lot.  All she had written was ‘Good for you.’

              JD climbed back into bed with a grin and did his best not to disturb Perry.  He was thankfully already cooling down.  His efforts apparently weren’t enough, though, because moments later, Perry started to stir.  JD froze, biting his lower lip and hoping Perry would go back to sleep, but he had no such luck.

              Perry’s eyes fluttered open and he squinted through the dark bedroom at JD.  “Newbie?” he murmured, his voice rough from sleep.

              “I’m here,” JD whispered, edging closer to Perry.  “I’m sorry I woke you.”

              “You okay?” Perry asked, rubbing his eyes.

              “I’m great,” JD replied, unable to keep the smile out of his voice.  “Really great, Perry.”

              Perry gave him a sleepy smile and opened his arms.  “Come here, kid,” he said softly.

              JD happily moved into Perry’s arms, resting his head on his chest.  “Go back to sleep.  I really didn’t mean to wake you up.”

              “It’s fine,” Perry maintained through a yawn.  “G’night, Newbie.”

              “Goodnight,” JD chuckled, settling down easily.  Suddenly it didn’t matter if he’d been overheated – lying in Perry’s arms was everything he’d ever wanted and more and that, just like the rest of their interactions, felt too right to deny it.

 

              The next time JD woke, it was to an empty bed and the smell of something delicious wafting through the apartment.  He stretched luxuriously and relaxed back against the pillows, not quite ready to get up yet.  Fortunately, mere moments later, Perry strode into the bedroom, carrying with him a tray that held breakfast for them both.  He set it on the bedside table next to JD and looked down at him fondly, not realizing he was already awake.

              JD slowly opened his eyes once again and smiled up at Perry, who looked taken aback for a moment.  “Morning,” JD said, stretching once more.

              “Morning, kid,” Perry said warmly.  “Hope you’re hungry.  Spent the last half hour making this five star meal.”

              “Course I’m hungry,” JD laughed.  “And what is this five star meal?”

              “Eggs and toast,” Perry said, winking at JD as he pulled himself up to sit back against the headboard. 

              “Already spoiling me,” JD pointed out.  “But I’m not complaining. It smells delicious, Perry.”

              “Wait to praise my cooking skills until you taste it, all right?” Perry said skeptically as he handed JD his plate, leaving a glass of juice on the nightstand beside him and taking his own plate and glass for himself.

              JD waited to try a bite until Perry was seated next to him on the bed and he leaned over to kiss his cheek.  “Thanks for taking care of me last night,” he said genuinely before shoving a forkful of eggs into his mouth.

              “You’re welcome,” Perry chuckled.  “And you don’t have to thank me for every little thing, you know.  I’m just happy that you’re here.”

              “I’m happy to be here,” JD said, his mouth still full of food.  “These  _are_ amazing, by the way.”

              Perry barked out a laugh and shook his head as he speared a piece of toast with his fork.  “You’re somethin’ else, Newbie, you know that?”

              “I’ve been told,” JD said proudly before taking a swig of orange juice. “God, I’m  _starving_.”

              “There’s plenty more where that came from if you need it,” Perry offered as he ate, still watching JD with amusement. 

              “I’ll keep that in mind,” JD replied, half his food already gone.  “You work today?”

              “It just so happens that I do not,” Perry told him.  “I was thinking we could head to your place and see what we can do about your brother.”

              JD hesitated.  “That’s… an idea,” he said slowly.  “Any others?”

              “Newbie, as far as I’m concerned, we can do whatever the hell you want,” Perry said with a shrug.  “Doesn’t matter much to me as long as you’re happy.”

              JD blushed a little at that, but then nodded.  “In that case, I was hoping maybe we could just stay here.  Don’t get me wrong, I love my brother, but I just… I can’t be around him right now.  The ten days I spent back home for the funeral and everything was too much, I think.  It was really overwhelming.”

              “Boy, I hear that,” Perry said, a sudden tiredness in his voice.  “Last time I went back home, it was a nightmare.  It’s like every person from your hometown you never thought you’d see again comes right out of the woodwork and wants to reminisce and pretend the good old days were actually good.”

              “Exactly,” JD sighed.  “Half the people from my high school showed up – mostly because they were Dan’s friends.  They were all three or four years older than me and they weren’t always the nicest guys.  And then having to see all the relatives… It had been  _years_ since I’d seen some of them.  And not all of them were as open-minded as my dad.  It didn’t make the funeral any easier, I can tell you that.”

              “I’m sorry you had to go through that,” Perry said, and JD noticed a muscle jumping in his jaw.

              “It’s just weird, having an entire town watch me go through my transition,” JD said quietly.  “They know  _about_  me, but they don’t  _know_ me.  I couldn’t wait to get out of there.  That’s why I picked California.  It was about as far away as I could get and I knew people out here were more accepting, more educated.  Ohio’s a completely different place and I think I’d be okay if I never went back.”

              “I think you’ve found exactly where you belong, JD,” Perry said sagely.  “You’ve got friends and colleagues who care about you, who love you, and you’re a damn good doctor.  The people back in your hometown should be damn proud of the man you’ve become and if they can’t see that, well, to hell with them.”

              A smile found its way onto JD’s face and he blushed as finished off his food.  “I suppose you were including yourself in that list of colleagues and friends?” he asked nonchalantly.

              “Course I was.”

              “So, you love me?” JD asked, lifting his head to look Perry in the eyes.  He had a feeling that they were both already in that deep, regardless of waiting so long to actually tell each other, but he wanted to hear it.

              Perry reached out to lace his fingers with JD’s, never breaking eye contact.  “JD, I love every part of you and I have for a very long time,” he said in a low, soft voice.  “And I plan on being with you for even longer than that.”

              “Me, too,” JD said, his eyes shining.  “I love you so much, Perry.  And if I wasn’t so emotional right now, I swear I’d tease you about being a giant teddy bear.”

              “Don’t push it, Newbie,” Perry threatened, even as he set aside his mostly-finished breakfast and leaned in to kiss JD thoroughly.

              JD chuckled and wound his arms around Perry’s neck.  “You’re so not scary,” he muttered against Perry’s lips.

              “I think I’ll take making you laugh over scaring you,” Perry responded, their noses brushing against one another’s, both their eyes still closed.

              “A very acceptable alternative,” JD murmured, more than happy just to be holding Perry close.  “So, everything at the hospital… All of that was an act?”

              “Most of it, yeah,” Perry admitted.  “Some of it was just me being frustrated with myself and taking it out on you, and for that, I’m sorry.”

              “I know you are,” JD assured him.  “You don’t have to keep apologizing, okay?  You’ve more than made up for it already, I swear.”

              “All right, all right,” Perry said in surrender.  “So, Dr. Dorian, if you don’t want to go home, what would you like to do with our day off?”

              JD tapped his chin thoughtfully and Perry shook his head fondly as he watched.  “I want to hear more about what you want for us,” he finally said.  “You said that you’ve thought about everything.  I want to know what you think about, what you see in our future.”

              Perry nodded, leaning back against the headboard.  “JD, I honestly don’t know where to start,” he said after a thoughtful silence.  “I’ve thought about it all.  You name it, I’ve thought about it.  My point being, I see a life with you and now that it looks like that could really happen, I’m kicking myself for not telling you the moment I realized it myself.”

              JD looked at Perry in awe.  “A life with me?” he repeated softly.

              “I know how I come off.  Don’t think for a second that I don’t know how other people see me or what they think about me,” Perry explained.  “For the most part, I couldn’t care less what anyone thinks, but having the reputation that I do, I can see how it’d be pretty shocking to hear that I have hopes and dreams just like every other person out there.  But Newbie, if what you want is to get married someday and have a family, I think I’d be… well, I  _know_  I’d be pretty damn happy with that.”

              “Wow,” JD murmured.  “I never thought I’d hear you say anything like that.  I mean, I never saw you like everyone else does, but to know that you want the same things I do… It’s pretty amazing.”

              “I think it’s important to note that things could turn out vastly different than how either of us have imagined them, but even if that’s the case, as long as I’ve got you, kid, I don’t care what happens.  Your happiness will always be my number one priority from here on out.  If there’s something you need or something you want, I’ll do my best to make it happen for you.”

              “I feel the same way,” JD said, rapidly becoming choked up at the devotion in Perry’s voice.  “I would do anything for you, Perry.  I know I don’t have as much to give as you, or bring as much to this, but I –”

              “Hold on now,” Perry interrupted, his brows furrowing.  “What do you mean, you don’t have as much to give?  JD, you’re the most selfless person I know.  All you do is give every day of your life.  It’s in your nature to be caring and compassionate and to give.  That’s a hell of a lot more valuable than you think it is.”

              “I didn’t mean it like that,” JD amended.  “It’s just that I’m not really… good at relationships.  Not a big secret, I know, but I always feel like I put way more into it than the other person does because they’re not as into me as I am into them.  It’s – it’s really nice  _not_ feeling that way with you.  I don’t feel any of that weird pressure to reel it in, but I guess part of me feels like I’m not good enough for you.  I mean, Perry, look at you.  You’re incredible.  You could have anyone you wanted.”

              Perry took JD’s hand once again, intertwining their fingers together.  “And yet I chose you,” he said in a low, comforting voice.  “And if I had to go back and do it a hundred times, I wouldn’t change a thing.  You’d still be my first and only choice.  Now, I don’t have a crystal ball that’ll show me what the future holds for us, but I believe that you and I can make this work.  I’m not saying it’ll always be as easy as sitting in bed together and talking, but I can promise that I will try my hardest to be whoever and whatever you need me to be.  I’ve ruined my fair share of relationships in the past and I don’t want to do that with us.  That’s why I’m starting out like this, by laying all my cards out on the table and being completely honest and a hell of a lot more vulnerable than I’ve ever been with another person.  At the end of the day, JD, you’re the one person whose opinion I  _do_ care about, so I want us to be able to communicate and share our feelings.  I’m not saying I’ll be the kind of guy who’ll bring you flowers all the time or send those goofy smiley faces with every text message, but what I  _am_ saying is that I want us to have a long, healthy, and happy relationship and that I’m willing to put in the work to make that happen.”

              “That means the world to me,” JD said genuinely.  “I promise I’ll work just as hard as you to keep both of us happy and, honestly, this is the most serious conversation I’ve ever had with someone I’ve dated.  The weird part, though, is that I’m not freaked out by it.  Normally, any time something gets serious, I just sort of… bolt.  It’s like some kind of weird dating fight-or-flight response.  But right now, I’m ready to jump in and be totally and completely honest and real with you.  And besides, I don’t even like flowers that much.”

              Perry chuckled and pulled JD close, resting his chin on top of his head, his eyes closed.  “Duly noted.  Just know that whatever happens in the next few days or weeks when everyone finds out about us, you’re the person I want to come home to every night.”

              “Me, too,” JD said softly, nuzzling against the crook of Perry’s neck.  “I want to be with you all the time.”

              “Well, I’m certainly not going to make you leave,” Perry teased, and as if to prove his point, his arms tightened slightly around JD.

              “For the record,” JD breathed, “you give amazing hugs.”

              Perry couldn’t help the way JD’s words made his heart melt.  All he’d wanted for years was for Perry to hug him and he hadn’t done it until now.  “I’ll give you all the hugs you want, Newbie,” he replied as he pressed a kiss to the top of JD’s head.

              They remained that way, holding each other in a tight embrace, and were still situated as such when JD spoke again.  “Is it crazy that we’re moving this fast?” he asked quietly and Perry could feel his lips moving against his skin as he spoke.

              “It might look that way to everyone else,” Perry started, “but I think you and I have been invested in this for too long now to pretend this is anything other than both of us finally being in a place where we can be open and honest about what we want.  And I’ve given plenty of thought to how everyone’s going to react to us, but I guess I want to know your feelings about all that.”

              “Well, Elliot already knows,” JD said, pulling away from Perry just enough to be able to see his face.  “She must have seen us in the parking lot before we left.  She seemed happy for us, though.”

              Perry rolled his eyes.  “JD, I think Barbie is the least of our worries.”

              “Worries?” JD repeated.  “What are you worried about?”

              “You know how people are at the hospital,” Perry explained.  “There’s going to be plenty of gossip and I wouldn’t put it past a lot of the people there to actually approach us about it.  I – aw, Christ, I believe that you feel about me the way I feel about you, but I don’t want what they say about me to change your mind.”

              JD’s eyes widened for a moment before he began to laugh.  “Perry, I don’t care what  _anyone_ says about you or about us.  Nothing they could say would change how I feel about you.  You have to know that.”  JD lifted a hand to cup Perry’s cheek.  “I’ve worked alongside you for four years now.  I’ve seen you at your best and at your worst, and despite all the ups and downs, I still want you and I’m going to keep on wanting you.  Screw everyone else.”

              Perry smiled and laid his own hand over JD’s as he turned his head to press a kiss there.  “You’re too good for me, kid,” he murmured.  “And I’ve always known it, but I’m too selfish to care.”

              “Then I’m glad you’re selfish,” JD said, winding his arms around Perry’s neck once again.  “Because I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else than right here.”

              Perry leaned in and had just pressed his lips to JD’s when JD’s phone began to ring.  JD grumbled against Perry’s lips, debating letting the call go to voicemail, but Perry broke the kiss and sat back, watching JD in amusement.  “You better answer that,” he warned.  “People will start to think I’m holding you captive.”

              “I’m not so sure I’d mind that,” JD joked even as he reached over to the table on his side of the bed.  “Hello?”

              The resulting screech that came from JD’s phone made him jerk it away from his ear, so loud that even Perry raised his eyebrows. 

              “Hey, Turk,” JD said slowly.

              “Dude!  Why didn’t you tell me you were with Cox?” Turk asked, sounding incredulous.  “I mean, man, it’s about damn time you two got together, plus I was getting pretty tired of you getting all mopey whenever you’re drunk –”

              JD closed his eyes, but couldn’t quite hide the smile on his face as Turk rambled.  He wondered if Perry could hear everything Turk was saying.  “ _Because_ ,” JD said, torn between amusement and annoyance, “I’m still with him.  And you’re interrupting.”

              Turk gasped.  “Did you get some?” he asked excitedly.  “Please tell me he gave it up, I need to know.”

              JD rolled his eyes.  “No, we’re not there yet,” he said, desperately hoping that Perry couldn’t hear the conversation.  “I’ll call you later, okay?”

              “Point taken,” Turk said quickly.  “Have fun!  And dude, seriously, congrats.”

              JD’s small smile became a full-blown grin.  “Thanks, Turk,” he said warmly.  “See you.”  He turned to Perry after hanging up the phone, blushing slightly.

              “What’s that look for?” Perry asked, smiling as he watched JD.  “What’d he say?”

              “Nothing, he just… He said it’s about time,” JD said, pleased that Perry hadn’t been able to overhear everything Turk said.  “I might have confided in him from time to time about you.”

              “Is that so?” Perry asked, a curious edge to his voice.  “What’d you say to him?”

              “When I first told him, I was drunk off my ass,” JD admitted.  “There might have been some crying…  Overall, it wasn’t exactly a happy time, considering I thought you hated me.”

              “Oh, Newbie,” Perry said, the smile slipping from his face.  “I’m –”

              “Please don’t apologize,” JD said hopefully, taking Perry’s hand.  “I don’t want this to be a sad thing, you know?  We’re together, we’re happy, and we should keep it that way.  No sense beating ourselves up over things that are in the past.”

              “Very well said,” Perry agreed.  “And I couldn’t agree more.”

              “Hey,” JD murmured, resting his head on Perry’s shoulder.  “I’m really glad I’m here.”

              Perry wrapped his arm around JD and kissed the top of his head.  “Me, too, Newbie.  You have no idea.”

              They sat in silence for a while, JD’s eyes closing as he listened to the soft thrumming sound of Perry’s heart when Perry’s phone rang.  JD chuckled and looked up.  “Guess it’s your turn now.”

              “Who the hell… Oh, for the love of god,” Perry groaned as he checked the caller ID.  “Jordan, to what do I do the horror?”

              JD watched intently, tracking each change in Perry’s expression as he listened to Jordan.  For the most part, he remained impassive and JD couldn’t hear anything Jordan was saying.  By the time he hung up, he’d hardly said anything else other than hello and goodbye.

              “What was that about?” JD asked immediately after Perry hung up.  “What’d she want?”

              “She… wanted to congratulate me,” Perry said slowly, looking bewildered.  “She said I’d spent enough time on my own and that it was time for me to settle down.  She did also mention that you were a good lay, so I was lucky in that department.”

              JD broke out into laughter, though he was just as touched as Perry that Jordan had been so kind.  “I mean, she certainly wasn’t bad either,” he teased, which resulted in Perry shoving him back into the pillows. 

              “You’ll kindly refrain from commenting on your sexual experiences with my ex-wife,” Perry said firmly, though the grin on his face ruined the intimidating effect.  “It won’t end well for you.”

              JD giggled, pulling Perry down on top of him.  “Promise?” he asked with what could only be described as a wolfish grin.

              Perry growled and ducked his head to kiss JD deeply.  “You’re gonna be the death of me, kid,” he sighed, his hand resting on JD’s hip.

              “Well, I hope that’s not true,” JD said playfully.  “I’d like to keep you around for at least a  _little_ while.”

              “You’re ridiculous,” Perry said, shaking his head. 

              “I know,” JD said proudly.  “Kiss me.”

              Perry did, but only briefly.  “JD, I…,” he said softly, pulling back to look at JD, his expression hard to read.

              “What is it?” JD asked, his eyes searching Perry’s face. 

              Perry shook his head, chuckling to himself.  “Nothing,” he breathed, stroking JD’s cheek.

              JD’s brows furrowed, but he smiled.  “No, come on, I want to know,” he pressed.

              “Guess it’s finally hitting me, that you’re really here,” Perry said, blushing just slightly and making JD’s eyes light up.  “Just happy is all.”

              “Yeah,” JD murmured.  “Me, too, Perry.  Happier than I’ve been in a really long time.”

 


End file.
